How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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