where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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