Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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