just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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