I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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