where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
