Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Houston, we have a squirter
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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