he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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