So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize