We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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