So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
