I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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