whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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