You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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