I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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