dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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