The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
