I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want to have your abortion
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
