kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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