IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
