i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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