Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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