I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize