I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
