Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
