Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
