Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We are two peas in an std pod
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
