I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
