Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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