Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
