HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
