just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
