whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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