So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
