why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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