Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
