Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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