the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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