Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
