Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
