Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
