I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
