Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
