if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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