Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
