and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
