toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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