I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
