If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
