a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
