I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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