I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
