I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
