Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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