oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
