When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
