So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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