note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
