Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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