highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
