Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you had me at cake vodka
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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