I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
