I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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