I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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