make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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