He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
