Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
