omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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