Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
