A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
