It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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