I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
