So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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