apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
