there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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