These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
