FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
